i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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