so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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