there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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