You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
