I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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