well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
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I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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