i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
