I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
