i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
