she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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