i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
