Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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