guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
