You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
