she smelled like a LAN party
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
