Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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