Will you blow on my dice?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
birth control should be required to get into college
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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