she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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