dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
