you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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