she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
