my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
