Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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