Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
