I'm going to jail i love you
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Ladies don't puke and tell
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
