I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
