I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
