god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Dick very happy bro
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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