I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
