idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
