I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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