Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
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What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
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I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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