It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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