Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
