real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
