"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
