just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
She said her name was "party"
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
