weddingsv make me drug and hornr
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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