Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
