Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
