considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
