I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
