Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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