I can tuck mytits in my pants
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
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