btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
