Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
high people should be assigned attendants
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
