sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
