did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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