You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
