pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
