As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
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