I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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