so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
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The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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