No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
