all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
