PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
