i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
