My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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