I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
