i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
