So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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