If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Drunk is a universal language darling
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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