Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
