I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
No subtext here. People are naked.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I can't put those talents on a resume
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i believe in u and ur pee
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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