U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
