dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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