i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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