PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
