I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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