I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
