Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
