I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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