Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
