When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
