You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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