Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
